34. Break the ice

Wednesday morning, SFU Academy, Shanghai. Hot, sunny day. The wind cool the air a little bit. I’ve had morning lecture. On the break I went out to breathe a fresh air. Something pushed me to buy an ice-cream as I haven’t done it for a long time.

In a convinient shop in the fridge were a lot of ice creams within original flavor. I chose a Durian flavor to break the ice and to see how will I react for a smell and taste. It wasn’t that bad. Moreover, it gave me a great wonder.

Those who read “Smak grzechu” (Eng. “A taste of sin”) in December, they could meet a kind of resistance to Durian, I gave my disgusting feeling of the fruit flavor… Now I took the second approach to feel a taste of Durian. The first licks of course memorized me this bad taste of Durian and I thought to regret I bought this ice cream. However, considering a contribution I put to buy a Durian fruit I thought: “it was not that expensive like a cake and this can show me some skills to break the ice”.

What’s a funny consolidation with breaking ice by eating ice cream. Why? Actually it’s a great point that somehow I could break my prejudices to Durian. Maybe still it’s not my flavor I’d experience every day or often, nevertheless it opened my eyes to contrast something.

Well, I wrote about “A taste of sin”, comparing a taste of Durian to a taste of sin. But now, I got a new point to see the fruit across it’s taste no matter where is it. My thought focused on “a taste of person”. And here came a great wonder to me.

I started to compare a feeling of the Durian flavor to: relations between each person and relation with ourselves. In the first case it easy comparison, just by the contrast of my previous text about a Durian fruit. What was there? A disgusting feeling, a kind of hate writing about Durian (exaggeration) and a lack of will to understand (to accept the flavor and smell). What’s that?

It’s the same what we do with people. Let’s imagine we’re fruits, and among us are Durians – let’s make an individual way to call someone a Durian in our specific relationship with people around us. What goes on with us if we meet our Durians? If we accept at once, then fine. We’re strange and open to everything no matter what’s that who’s that… But among us are those who will dislike Durian, will even hate it’s taste or just a smell, will be truly disgusted and will avoid a place where Durian is found. That’s what we’re doing with some people.

What I have done now with my case of Durian? I broke the ice, I accepted it’s original taste, moreover, I enjoyed eating Durian ice cream like other I like. Of course, the first feeling – as I mentioned – was “Oh my God, how can I torture myself this and this way…”, but afterward I get used to a taste of Durian and just ate it. Transferring to a relationship with people: find someone you don’t like. Break the ice, try to accept the person, no matter who’s that and be with him/her. Maybe you will be disgusted by weaknesses of that person, maybe you’ll memorize a bad experience with him, but nothing will change if you won’t break the ice. And that’s about other people.

Now, let’s focus on much more complex case. Imagine we’re Durian ourselves! Cool, yeah? So disgusting, I can’t live with a smell of my life, I can’t stand that other people hate me or even don’t allow to entrance with me to some places… Notabene, I hope you know that Durian is really forbidden to be brought to some place like Metro, Bus, Restaurant, Bureau, etc. Isn’t it the same with us? But in this case there’s no third-party influence, opinion, whatever. This is ourselves. People who don’t accept a self, don’t let to entrance somewhere… It happens, it’s worldwide!

The more I can say, me myself I had to break the ice and to “taste me”, to accept me! It’s easy and difficult all in one. On the one hand we can accept ourselves and like us as we do it with a such Durian. Ok, we smell somehow bad, maybe the taste is sometimes disgusting, but still we accept it and enjoy as many things we like! The worse, if at once we taste ourselves… and start to hate. I can say we become like a Durian itself, because we’re closed in this something that covers a Durian fruit, it has a kind of needles which “save” us from the world, but don’t save before ourselves. What we have to do? Again, eat Durian, no matter if this is ice cream, cake, pizza or just we; and ACCEPT the taste, get used to eat Durian and enjoy it at all!

Let’s do it all of you: or accept other Durians (other people), or – and this is more important to me – accept ourselves. Break the ice with acquainting your weaknesses and enjoy yourself. Enjoy people. Enjoy the life.

My face on the picture shows how uncertain was I to eat something with Durian, even if I wanted. But now, it’s not the same. I won’t show a picture how I looked like after I ate a Durian ice cream, but I can tell you how I started to taste my life and myself accepting my weaknesses as I did it with Durian ice cream. Can you do it?

Now after another – better – experience with Durian as an ingredient of a food, I go to end my lecture and to enjoy my life at all! I have no query about a taste of myself. No more.

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